Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
