Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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