Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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