i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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