did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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