I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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