That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
