you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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