Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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