I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They are going to name an STD after you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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