Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
