I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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