it was like his penis was on wheels.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
