so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
