god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
