Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
