I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
