my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
