My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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