She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
