my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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