I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
