so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
