i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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