Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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