Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
