No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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