He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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