a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
