at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
