you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
