just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As shirtless as possible
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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