but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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