Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
