i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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