nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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