Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
