i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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