Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
