:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
