Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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