Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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