Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
