based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
