why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
