bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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