One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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