There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize