I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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