I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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