Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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