lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
