Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize