I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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