HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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