Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
