i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize