So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
