ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
