Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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