anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I die, sorry about rent.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
