don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
