If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
