I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
