Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
