and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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