Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
