So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
