its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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