Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
