i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
