I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
