That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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