you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
