He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
