do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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