Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The Olympian is in my bed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
