I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
