i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
