Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
