omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
