he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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