So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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