just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
