I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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