he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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