Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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