Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
