Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize