I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
