He had one of those small greek statue penises
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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