CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This baby is an asshole
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
