were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
