Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
