Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Randomize
