she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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