fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
