I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
